I am a comfort eater. And a don't-pay-attention eater. And a cheater-eater. A feast/famine eater.
I want to learn how to eat for the rest of my life, not on a diet...but when to say yes and when to say no. Balance for the love of sam. Tonight, for example, was a time to say no. I have been working out twice a day in order to get conditioned and lose a few extra pounds. I want to lose about 25 lbs but if I learn how to eat, exercise regularly, and the only result is increased energy, happiness, and endurance, it will be worth it. But I"m hoping I'll lose a few in the process...it seems to make logical sense that that would happen.
But, it seems that I am not one of THOSE people...the ones that say, "Oh, it was so easy, I just stopped eating white sugar and the pounds just melted away", or "ALL I did was add some walking and I lost 20 lbs in two months". I love those kind of people, and I'm happy for them. If I want to lose a pound I can't just do something simple. I have to do a regime for a long period of time.
So...I thought I embraced that "cross" at the beginning of the year. The one that says, "you don't get to eat a croissant for at least 6 months". But tonight, after a great week, I took my kids to...........I can hardly admit it................Wienerschnitzel. I bought them all 99cent milkshakes and hotdogs. And I bought one for myself. Now, I don't particularly love this kind of junk food, although it wasn't bad as far as junk food goes. But my special husband was working...and who would notice???? Well, now all of you have noticed, and that's the brilliant conclusion I came to tonight. I need accountability.
I'm going to bore you nightly with a food diary. Because even though THEY say you are more careful of what you eat when you write it down, that doesn't work for me. I came home, wrote down that I ate a corn dog (and finished off Ben's) and then searched my cupboards for something else bad to eat. Luckily, I have cleaned out the pantry and the worse culprit was OJ, of which I drank a big glass.
If I know I've given my word to you all, somehow that's easier for me to honor than my own word to myself. I"ll work out the psychological details of that later. For now, I will document every bite. (I helped the kids eat a chocolate Santa at the grocery store also), it truly was a pathetic night.
If it takes me all year, I will learn, lose, and grow...spiritual growth of course. So those of you who are horrified with my choice of dinner, you know who you are, and I know who you are, this is mostly for you. I am more concerned with my mood, my ability to care for my children, commune with God, and serve Him than physical characteristics. Truly. Of course it feels great to fit better into your clothes and not have jiggly arms, but those are secondary goals.
I watched the first episode of The Biggest Loser a few days ago, and thought to myself...what am I so concerned about, I'm not 300lbs! I"m not doing too bad. But I was inspired by their dedication to their health, and by their public weigh-in. So this is my public weigh in. So come on my journey with me, but I will caution you, it's already been a long one, and I think I'm back where I started again.
no.
no.
yes.
No comments:
Post a Comment