When I have spent my years with an ideal picture in mind and have not attained it, I am tempted to be bitter. I am grappling with the truth that it's not important what I produce, it's important that I try. If I never give up, never give in to hopelessness, God has power to work in my weakness. I am tempted right now to give in. Hutch is encouraging me and many others would if they had the chance. I want to believe, I really do. Everything in my vision is telling me one thing and the truth that I must believe is not apparent to me. This is when my faith becomes the evidence of things not seen. I just don't see it. I don't see the beautiful days filled with stories and cookies and playing. I just feel struggle. Because I am opposed by the enemy of my soul. I have forgotten that fact. I will fight to remember that my life's work is my family. My goal is to decrease so that He might increase. I am brought to tears daily as I am confronted with my own weakness and failings and I realize that truly everything good in me is from Him, not me. Anything I accomplish is in His strength. He'll keep me here until I really learn it and I'm just now starting to get a glimpse. Strength perfected in weakness. Foolish things of the world confounding the wise. His ways and thoughts, not mine. Lose your life to find it. What a crazy world I live in.
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