they saved the back row for us

"What would the church be like if we erred from  an excess of compassion rather than from a stingy and legalistic lack of it?"  -Brennan Manning

Do you ever feel like you're going to get in trouble?  As an adult?  It's a weird feeling.  What's even weirder is that the main place I have felt like that as an adult is in the fellowship of the church.  I'm always waiting for the proverbial hammer to drop.  Someone is going to confront me, tell me where I need to change, "speak the truth in love".     And, truth be told, anything they could confront me on is nothing compared to the actual depth of sin in me that I know all too well.  I am struggling with it, fighting against it, fighting against the condemnation that threatens to come, the self-hatred that is so easy to come up in me.  I'm reading "A Glimpse of Jesus: the Stranger to Self Hatred" by Brennan Manning.  It is a very timely book for me, and it's going to work on my heart big time.  It was given to me by a dear friend in our church family.  We have been journeying for about 8 months with  Madison St. Church, around the corner from our house, located on Madison St. incidentally, and it's been so healing for me.  These brothers and sisters know what it is to follow Jesus.  Truly.

They make us feel so at home, so loved and accepted.  We were the only family with small children up until a month ago and they have surrounded us with care and compassion, loved on our kids, encouraged us in our parenting, and laughed at our children's antics.  Since we have many to get out the door, it's somewhat challenging to get to church on time.  9am is a bit early to have everyone fed, bathed, bright eyed and bushy tailed.  So we straggle in about 9:15-9:25ish.  (emphasis on the "ish) and since there are no seats left, we make a big commotion as we take the front row.   We have been greeted each time with smiles, and love and after church, someone always says something positive to us.  But I don't like it.  I don't like to be late.  I don't like to impose on the good graces of our fellowship.  I don't want to distract them from worship, I don't want to take the focus off Jesus, I want my kids to be quiet, I want everyone to just GET IN THE CAR!!!!!!

I've been known to be late pretty much my whole life and for a while it was a bit of a funny reputation but now, it's not amusing to me.  I want to be different, conscientious,  prompt.  Which means I have to get out of bed just a wee bit earlier.  And there we have the problem.  I know it.  It's not rocket science Rach.  Set your alarm, get up 20 minutes earlier and you won't be 20 minutes late to church.  I'm sure each person who is on time Sunday mornings could have solved the problem for me.  But no one said anything.  I was not confronted.  No one even joked sarcastically about it with us.  There was some good teasing but it was so loving.  Last week, I did it.  I got up.  Peacefully served breakfast and we were at church on time.  And there I found grace in motion.  The last row was tastefully saved with sheets of paper that said, "reserved for late comers".  Which is basically us.  All 7 of us.  We didn't ask for that special treatment and concern.  We got it because our brothers and sisters love us even in our weakness, they meet us where we are, and love us there.
Granted, we were quite the distraction and someone might have been trying to figure out a way to not have us disrupt worship every week but of the two solutions, confronting us or saving the back row, they chose the latter.  And guess what.  I want to make the effort even more now.  Because I have been shown grace. ( I'm not guaranteeing an on-time arrival, let's just get that straight).  But I am given a chance to love myself just as I am in the middle of my weakness, because that's how God loves me and that's how my neighbor just loved me.  Powerful.

Brennan Manning again:
"Jesus cuts to the chase: 'So then, if you are bringing your offering to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar go and be reconciled with your brother first, and then come back and present your offering' (Matt. 5:23-24).  What a terrifying reversal of religious priorities!  The worship of God and the time of religious practice are subordinated to reconciliation with one's brother; the value of community worship in the sight of God--independent of the caliber of the music, the effectiveness of the preaching, and the imaginative design of the banners--is measured by the quality of life and love in the community of faith."

"The Christian's warmth and congeniality, nonjudgmental attitude, and welcoming love may well be the catalyst allowing the healing power of Jesus to become operative in the life of an alienated, forlorn brother or sister."

Brothers and Sisters, let's put on love.  Let's lay aside the raised eyebrows and criticisms, and let's lay down the role of Holy Spirit.  It was never ours to play.  Let's trust God a little more and love extravagantly.  Let's take a lesson from the father of the prodigal son and fall on the necks of sinners who have returned home.  We have been forgiven so much, how can we not extend that to others? 
 ^{Matt 18:21} Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”  ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
   ²³ “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. ²⁴ As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. ²⁵ Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
   ²⁶ “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ ²⁷ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
   ²⁸ “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
   ²⁹ “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
   ³⁰ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. ³¹ When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
   ³² “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. ³³ Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ ³⁴ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
   ³⁵ “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
I LOVE you Madison St. Church with all my heart!